February 8, 2002 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 15

bigtips

Where to send a thank-you note: my friend or his ex?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Dear Big Tipper,

Obviously, if I can take the time to e-mail you I could take the time to just write the thank you note I'm writing to ask you about, but I'm not sure if I should write it in the first place.

My best friend, let's call him Raul, has been dating a nut job for the last six years, and last year he even married him.

Nut Job has always been the one who sent holiday cards and presents for the two of them (whatever). My boyfriend and I got a Christmas present from them, supposedly, but I assume that Nut Job shopped for the present and mailed it. Then, in a tasteless moment I will be grateful for forever, Nut Job dumped Raul on New Year's Eve.

But back to me. Do I send a thank-you note? I have no desire for any contact with Nut Job ever again, but he did buy us something. But it was supposedly a gift from my best friend and his partner, and it seems rude to not even acknowledge that it arrived. But Raul may not even know what was sent. Do I send a note to him?

Oh, and is it okay yet to send a thank you e-mail instead of a letter?

Dear Thanks Be to Who,

Law of the Letter

If you actually anticipate no further contact with Nut Job (it was a nasty breakup, and being in contact with him would actually be seen as some manner of betrayal of your loyalty to Raul), do not send a note to Nut Job. It is appropriate to say thank you for a present, but you don't have to send multiple acknowledgements.

Technically, it would be appropriate to send a note to Raul, since he is your primary friend and ostensibly one of the gift givers. But if you think it would be hard for him to think about something that they recently did as a couple, then this is an okay time to skip the note. Raul's feelings are more important. Handwritten vs. e-mail? Handwritten is still nicer, but if it's a matter of e-mail or . nothing, send a nice e-mail. But if they took time to mail you a package, what, it's so hard to stick a stamp on an envelope?

Dear Mary,

I am not the kind of girl one would describe as a prude. I do believe that there are certain obvious limits to what is appropriate in public, of course. For example, I don't think it is acceptable to masturbate in public, or at least to be seen doing that. Which brings me to my question.

I belong to a gym with a whirlpool. It is most often full of people I don't know, and when I wade in to soothe my aching muscles I am not thinking of getting fresh with them.

I do, though, take the opportunity to get off with the water jets if there is no one else in there. What's the harm? No one sees it happen, and I get some good, soothing fantasy time, an orgasm, and relaxed muscles.

That's always been fine, and I even make sure that I'm facing away from the doorway so in case anyone came in, they wouldn't catch me making an incriminating face. Of course I am silent.

Of course, it was bound to happen that one day I would open my eyes after the shudder-

O

BIG TIPS

ing stopped and find myself looking right at someone who'd gotten into the tub without me hearing. She wasn't looking at me, so I don't know if she knew, but I was embarrassed.

I'd just stop doing it, but there's something about that whirlpool: I have these amazing fantasies, and I usually have a hard time coming, but I don't in there. I don't find the possibility of being caught titillating. so this is making me think twice about ever do-

ing it again, but if I can never come again to that Catholic schoolgirl fantasy and being taken from behind. I don't want to give it up. What do I do?

Dear When You Love Jets, You Love Jets All the Way.

Wet in the Pool

Get a vibrator! Or, keep your ears open when you're living it up at the gym. If the "I might get caught" factor really isn't part of the sexiness of the situation, it just sounds like you might like a little more vigorous stimulation if orgasms have been challenging elsewhere.

A nice shower-massage head can give you the aquatic zip you love on your home turf, or if you just want a good, high quality plug-in vibe-not for use in the water, no duh-I recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand. Classic, sturdy, and it gets our favorite job done. (And it isn't just for girls any more. Guys, don't underestimate the thrill of the zippy attentions of our vibrating friends on or in your sensitive parts. Nice!)

If you have a hard time finding that, or a nice selection of vibrators in general, I am a woman in love with the Blowfishies who run www.blowfish.com. They have a great e-mail newsletter, and they're really all about finding and providing you with good products. sans attitude or creepiness.

Meanwhile, don't worry about what happened at the gym. You aren't the first person to be surprised doing what is just hard to fight doing in a whirlpool. I'd just lay low for a week or two to make sure no one's giving you the fish eye, then resume the silent, noone-else-around masturbation.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or · e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

Affirmative counseling for growth, decision making, relationship issues, loss, life choices, and lesbian, gay, questioning, and transgendered issues.

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